I’ve told my partner quite a few times how I feel. And he tries sometimes… I tell him that I wish we could take it slower, that way the desire can build and then I have a closer chance of coming. I tell him that I need him to touch me more. I need to be pleased. He says he understands my needs. He says he gets excited and then tired. I think he thinks its takes too much time to get me off so he avoided trying for a while.
Sure, I can get myself off. I could just let it be and take care of myself. but its not as much fun as doing it together… Its not. Thats not the whole point! Its not the point of sex, to do it alone. We do it together, to bond. at least thats how I feel. I want to experience that pleasure together sometimes too.
I love him to death. I love him so much. We have an incredibly playful, fun, loving relationship. I will never leave him.
But I will never tell him how empty and unsatisfied I sometimes feel, lying there after having made love, he’s finished, and I’m still aching with need. I know I’m not being selfish by asking this, either.
Sometimes I lie to him, when he works really hard, he’s spent a good ten minutes on me… “Yes, I’ve come, thank you, darling… it felt so good.” It DID feel good, but I could have come all the way.
I’m always so close. I just need that little five percent. Maybe my partner simply needs to grow up still. He is in his twenties, after all.
Maybe. I just need to let it go.
The other day I cried on the phone with him because I got so frustrated trying to explain it, and I said, “I don’t care anymore, I don’t need sex. I just want you to watch a movie with me.” I sounded like I was three years old.
And I meant it.